Candy store

A few weeks ago I declared that I am opening myself up to all that is new for me.
But right after that declaration I discovered that I was a sugar addict standing in the middle of the candy store with all that array of all the goodness that they have to offer.
I don’t much like milk chocolate, I survive very well without it. I hardly buy it, and if I’m offered I wouldn’t be excited about eating it. Infact I would refuse it.
I much prefer dark chocolate, about 60-80% coa coa, and not a lot of imagination put into it. Just plain and simple dark chocolate.
But because I have now opened myself up to other possibilities in the candy store I have allowed my brain to imagine more than just the regular dark chocolate to milk chocolate, flavored with all the crazy flavours you can think off.

My preference had taken a back seat and now my eyes are filled with all the goodness that was wrong for me.
When I was young and we would go shopping with my mother she used to tell us. This is what I’m prepared to buy for you and this is I am prepared to buy. Meaning if you go beyond the restrictions you are on your own but I want you to have something that you like, just note you will be limited.

God is the same, he opens up the world of possibilities for us, but says ok, you have to have limits here. You can’t just have everything, you need to choose what will be best for you.

Limits are important to have, if we didn’t have them we would be glutinous, uncontrollably people.
But more than limitation knowing needs vs wants is even more powerful to an individual.
So I have opened myself up, I’m single, and suddenly all of these people come knocking on my door. Like a candy store all flavours are now available to me and I can just have my pick from them. Until I remember but now wait, I am a born again Christian, my preference has always been someone who knows and loves God and has given their life to him. Why am I enticed by all the different flavours out here when I have my own very specific chocolate that I like.
I remembered that not everything is for me, even when I have opened myself up to the world, it doesn’t mean that I should have it all.
Reminds me about Adam and Eve, they had everything else but they still wanted that one thing they could not have.

So I have decided, that I will stick too the dark chocolate I so love, even when I’m presented with other weird and wonderful flavours. My self limitation is activated to be in operation all the time. And I know that not everything is good for me. 😁 as I chant… #newmantraIMG_0848

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The Art of war

I have recently had to experience the feeling of extreme disappointment in someoneIMG_0528. I always try not to have Ill thoughts about people, even if they had done me wrong. But on this particular day, when all was going well with the world I was baptized with extreme anger and disappointment.
My 5 point reaction
1. feeling of complete confusion and a series a questions arising, how did this get here, said by is it here, how did this person get this?
2. A series of answers ensued, it was that time a person had access to my personal information.
4. great anger, how could this person do this. This is the invasion of my privacy.
5. searching in my head what this person would do with this information.
6. Give excuses, this person had this information for a good reason

Usually when something like this happens I would search in my head for an excuse for the person so I can better sleep at night. This became extremely difficult because I was overcome with rage, for me it was completely unnecessary to take something of mine without asking. Honestly I’m usually an open person. If this particular individual where to ask me for this information I would give it without a doubt in my mind.

So how do I resolve this conflict?
I make plans, I pray and I make plans. In situations like this, when the truth comes out, you learn how others will treat you. The greatest inner conflict resolution is the art of war. All wars have strategic plans behind them, when either side wants to attack the other they learn the structures and its systems. So that they are better able to attack with effect. No one goes to war unprepared.
Like a soldier i rallied myself for the attack, guarded myself with armour but what war could I rage without plans of attack. Go back to the drawing board.
Putting all emotions aside and running the course
Each side needs to have allies
Each side needs to have plans to conquer the system
In the middle of all these war plans I found myself calming down to the idea of love. I asked myself, why should I love when another person has no intention to love?
When I am reminded that it is not about the other person but about my reaction to the what others do to me.
This love thing is a lot of responsibility.

You are not even in the wrong but you have to love the one in the wrong whether you like it or not.
Gods intentions with us is that we become like Him. If that is so we need to forgive like He does and love like He does, with absolutely no room for hate.

It is in that period that I was planning a war that I realized how much God wants me to Love his people. Regardless of what they do. How they speak or hurt. Mine is to love

Cracked walls

IMG_0378How many times have we said this about people who have done us wrong. You know you get into those situations when someone steps on your toes, and they clearly have no recollection of incidents, don’t see any wrong they have done or plain and simply stepped on your foot knowingly and they are not apologizing for it.

The above words are from the son of God himself, who had a better recollection of both heaven and earth. He knew the deep intricacies that made the world and what leads to the fall. He was there in the beginning when the world began, watched as the mountains rose and the waters where told to stop for the sea shore. Jesus knew everything. And in his knowing, He knew that we would continue falling and making mistakes. But also in his knowing He knew that there where deeper, more sinister workings that caused us to repeatedly follow the path we led. He knew that our solution was to follow him and like children we would be rebellious and follow our own paths.
He knew very well why he had to say for they know not… because quite frankly we don’t know the intricacies that make the world the way it is. Yes we don’t know. We lack the knowledge and the wisdom to determine these things.
But what if we knew, what if the entire world was opened up to us, heaven, earth hell?
What would we do than,
Is it by mistake than that the Lord hammered forgiveness? I think not. See there is so much happening more spiritual than natural, that has caused the fall. We have forces of the enemy lined up against us and one man whom by his name all would fall at their feet and recognize His Lordship.
But maybe the biggest hindrance we have is us being able to forgive ourselves. We recognize when others do wrong to us. We even quote God and say we will forgive but we don’t have a quote for forgiving ourselves. Did God overlook this in the Bible, why didn’t He mention that we should forgive ourselves, it’s as if we should be people focused and not self.
But when God said love one another as your love yourself. That became enough word to forgive ourselves. Corinthians speaks about love and the qualities it has forgiveness is one of them. So how can you love yourself without forgiving yourself. How can you love others if you cannot love yourself. A relationship with God and others begins with breaking the limitations or walls that we have built up around ourselves.
Not that people cannot penetrate them but that we cannot walk out of. Self love is a topic never preached on but we need to realize if we are to be able to forgive others we need to crack the walls of our own hatred.

Tulips and Petunias -fitting in

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One of my biggest struggles throughout my life has been fitting in.
I don’t think much like other people, talk like them or reason the same way others reason.
See when I was growing up, I’m not sure what my focus was, but I new I lived for my friends. I tried to fit in as much as I could, until certain actions that my friends took didn’t fit in with my core values. I didn’t know that at the time but I had a certain value system that as much as it was bent many times, it was not broken.
So for the longest time including going into my tertiary days, I found that my thinking didn’t reason with many others, further alienating myself from the people I lived for. Until it was just me and later it became just me and God.

I didn’t know that it was ok to be myself, until recently in my 30’s. That frankly there is no one like me, I said it a few times in my youth but never really believed it. You see I didn’t believe that God would make an individual like me, I mean out of billions of people in the world there is one of me. Really?!
I always figured that in the production process, the same nuts and bolts where used on another prototype. My 3rd decade helped me realize that with every single star that is in the sky there are different galaxies. Worlds around one star, as there is worlds around this one person. I couldn’t be the same as anyone else even if I tried and I did try.
You comparing yourself to someone, lowers the confidence in who you are. If i see a bush of Petunias on my neighbors garden, looking way fresher than mine I might be tempted to cry foul and say they have better dirt than me. But what if I spent a little more time on my Petunias bought the best fertilizers and tendered to my plant just as my neighbor does. The only problem is that I don’t see my neighbor taking time on their Petunias and I start complaining about mine.
Even so, I might not be the best Gardner but have awesome baking skills that my neighbor doesn’t have.

In a nutshell, every garden is different from the next, the time and care would make it different also the skill that one holds. No one is better than another, and not all skill is good for you.

So next time you want to compare yourself to someone else remember, out of a billions stars, yours still shines bright in its galaxy.

With this ring…

About 8 years ago, I bought myself a ring, made myself a promise that I would never take it off, until I was wed, I would not give myself to another, and no matter how low I go, I would always find a way to pick myself up again for Him.

I made this promise to God, that no matter what, He will be my ride or die. 8 years later, having not been married yet I remembered that many years ago I had made this promise on my 24th birthday. The ring as I type is still sitting on the second finger of my right hand, holding a permanent place in my heart and mind.

But just this morning I had fighting thoughts about wearing this ring. I didn’t feel I have lived up to the promises that I have made, first wearing it. The mind I was in, when I first slipped it on my finger. A conflict began to storm up in me of how much I do not deserve the love that goes with this symbol, of eternity and forgiveness. After all it was not a man that I had made the promise to but God himself. How could I turn my will to suit the way of the all seeing and all knowing God.

I know I cannot lie to Him.

That is when when this thought came to mind. A marriage is a marriage regardless of the sinner, the promise and commitment, the covenant is still there. The ring is a symbol of that love, promise, commitment and covenant.

So even when Hosea’s wife was a prostitute, the covenant between them was so strong that God said to him over and over again. Go get your wife back. As an example of what He was saying to Israel.

It was with great speed and little doubt that I took my ring again and said, not matter how far I fall, I will always come back to you.

Hello world!

Yes…!

My very first post, and intend to fill many pages 🙂 with words that will add, encourage, uplift, tear down old stuff and build the new.

So READY AIM, TYPE…

Here i go