Tulips and Petunias -fitting in


One of my biggest struggles throughout my life has been fitting in.
I don’t think much like other people, talk like them or reason the same way others reason.
See when I was growing up, I’m not sure what my focus was, but I new I lived for my friends. I tried to fit in as much as I could, until certain actions that my friends took didn’t fit in with my core values. I didn’t know that at the time but I had a certain value system that as much as it was bent many times, it was not broken.
So for the longest time including going into my tertiary days, I found that my thinking didn’t reason with many others, further alienating myself from the people I lived for. Until it was just me and later it became just me and God.

I didn’t know that it was ok to be myself, until recently in my 30’s. That frankly there is no one like me, I said it a few times in my youth but never really believed it. You see I didn’t believe that God would make an individual like me, I mean out of billions of people in the world there is one of me. Really?!
I always figured that in the production process, the same nuts and bolts where used on another prototype. My 3rd decade helped me realize that with every single star that is in the sky there are different galaxies. Worlds around one star, as there is worlds around this one person. I couldn’t be the same as anyone else even if I tried and I did try.
You comparing yourself to someone, lowers the confidence in who you are. If i see a bush of Petunias on my neighbors garden, looking way fresher than mine I might be tempted to cry foul and say they have better dirt than me. But what if I spent a little more time on my Petunias bought the best fertilizers and tendered to my plant just as my neighbor does. The only problem is that I don’t see my neighbor taking time on their Petunias and I start complaining about mine.
Even so, I might not be the best Gardner but have awesome baking skills that my neighbor doesn’t have.

In a nutshell, every garden is different from the next, the time and care would make it different also the skill that one holds. No one is better than another, and not all skill is good for you.

So next time you want to compare yourself to someone else remember, out of a billions stars, yours still shines bright in its galaxy.

With this ring…

About 8 years ago, I bought myself a ring, made myself a promise that I would never take it off, until I was wed, I would not give myself to another, and no matter how low I go, I would always find a way to pick myself up again for Him.

I made this promise to God, that no matter what, He will be my ride or die. 8 years later, having not been married yet I remembered that many years ago I had made this promise on my 24th birthday. The ring as I type is still sitting on the second finger of my right hand, holding a permanent place in my heart and mind.

But just this morning I had fighting thoughts about wearing this ring. I didn’t feel I have lived up to the promises that I have made, first wearing it. The mind I was in, when I first slipped it on my finger. A conflict began to storm up in me of how much I do not deserve the love that goes with this symbol, of eternity and forgiveness. After all it was not a man that I had made the promise to but God himself. How could I turn my will to suit the way of the all seeing and all knowing God.

I know I cannot lie to Him.

That is when when this thought came to mind. A marriage is a marriage regardless of the sinner, the promise and commitment, the covenant is still there. The ring is a symbol of that love, promise, commitment and covenant.

So even when Hosea’s wife was a prostitute, the covenant between them was so strong that God said to him over and over again. Go get your wife back. As an example of what He was saying to Israel.

It was with great speed and little doubt that I took my ring again and said, not matter how far I fall, I will always come back to you.

Hello world!


My very first post, and intend to fill many pages 🙂 with words that will add, encourage, uplift, tear down old stuff and build the new.


Here i go